Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
You smell like stripper and shame
Come see our sink grown plant.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
