Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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