He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
