I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
