I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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