drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
