Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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