I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
