Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
