eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
