it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
