can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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