You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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