I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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