that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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