So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
