If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I love you. Go after that dick
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