im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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