Have you finally orgasmed yet?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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