I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Randomize
