i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
The feeling are messing with the penis
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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