I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
