Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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