I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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