if you like me you must not know who I am
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
