Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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