Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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