I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
