I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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