So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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