Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
