1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
