Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
