I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
