You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize