You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
