i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
What drink are we having for lunch?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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