I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
