No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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