Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize