I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
