I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
