She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
