The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
