Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
