Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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