I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
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