i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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