belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize