were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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