i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
