This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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