Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
pray to the hookup gods
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
