your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize