I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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