omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize