She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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