Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
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