apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
