i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
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