speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
