dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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