We're facebook friends in real life
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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