I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
