Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
