Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
