We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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