So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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