Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Randomize
