hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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