you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
