You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
