fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
