first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize