i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I love you. Go after that dick
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
