he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
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