This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
