I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize