i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
