I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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