I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
