my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
