I puked a lego.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
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