She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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