Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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