we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
i came on her dog
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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