you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
