we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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