i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
