I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
