and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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