The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
