Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
