Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
