Small penises have feelings too.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize