if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Pooping to opera.
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