The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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