I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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