I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
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