i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
