I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
