come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
