i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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