wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
